This has been, by far the most impactful and meaningful new year of my life. I am not sure if it was the commitment to introspection in Elul, the mikvah, the spiritual and musical services or a combination of it all but I feel as if I am on the cusp of great changes. My prayer to God this New Year was to make good use of me, and to let me live to see 5780. I am hopeful that with that will come a change of financial fortunes, because I really am not enjoying being poor, but who is to say that is not the plan.
Just before Rosh Hashanah my husband hit a deer and we are currently saving up the deductible for the body work. Before we could get it into the shop for repairs we began having some significant mechanical issues with it. We are hopeful that those are related to the accident so that the repair will be covered but, well, we shall see. For now he is working as much as he can using public transport so income is down and costs are up. On my side of the equation they changed the way we are given work and during our slower months my income may be significantly less. On the other hand during those busier months I may have more work than I can do! So I can feel the change. I don’t know yet if they are changes that will improve our quality of life or make it worse, but I trust that God is in the process of answering my prayers. Somehow I will be made useful and that will make it worthwhile.
After our community sukkot celebration tomorrow evening I am off to see my parents for a week (we are renting a car) and will be back just before Simchat Torah. I am so glad that the trip fit neatly between celebrations. I love seeing my parents but I hate to miss celebrating with my Jewish family.
In addition to living and being useful, I have some personal goals for 5779. I really want to learn to read Hebrew more effectively. I want to do more Torah reading, but I also really want to be able to sight read and to read the blessings in Hebrew etc. A year should be enough to get a good start.
I want to improve consistency with the ritual mitzvot. It is hard to do alone at home. The fact that I am a woman gives me an easy out on much of it, but I want to stop with the excuses and get on with the practice.
I want to improve my physical self, doing my own part in keeping myself alive. I need to commit to regular exercise, so I am devising a workable plan toward that end.
And so here I am, with a brand new year ahead. Afraid of the poverty and preparing for the potential of prosperity. Concerned about leaving too early and planning to do what I can to keep myself around. Frustrated that I am not the Jew I want to be and knowing what the Jew I want to be needs to do to become.
I wish for you a sweet new year full of hope and peace and completeness. I wish for you love and prosperity and the desires of you heart. La’Shana Tova.